Don't Text, Please Call
iMessage and emojis can’t compete with a real conversation.
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Young people are great at spending time on their phones. But they’re not great at doing the thing these devices were originally created to do: talk on the phone.
Phone calls can make many people born in the age of iMessage feel dread or anxiety—or press “decline.” A 2024 British survey found that nearly a quarter of 18-to-34-year-olds say they never answer a phone call, often assuming that an out-of-the-blue ring means they’re about to get bad news or that it’s a scammer on the line. Meanwhile, research from Australia found that 87% of Gen Zers have handled an “unpleasant task” via text message instead of picking up the phone.
While texting is the norm among my 20-something peers, younger members of Gen Z who are currently teenagers have told me even this medium feels “formal.” Many prefer Snapchat, where messages are automatically set to erase immediately after the recipient reads them. They say the stakes are lower, perhaps because they’ve seen how ill-advised adolescent text messages can come back to haunt you. Snapchat also doesn’t require users to input phone numbers to initiate a conversation; they can simply search for each other by name.
It’s no wonder a slew of articles and Reddit forums offer tips on how to break up with someone over text. The even less confrontational method is ghosting, a denial of relationship closure that hurts more than an actual goodbye. This aversion to real conversation is even affecting job searching. As a career coach told me, “If you ask them to call a hiring manager or networking contact on the phone, many will say, ‘can I just text or email them?’ ”
The temptation is understandable. Typed-out exchanges using casual slang are safer than spoken or face-to-face interactions, which can be awkward or confrontational. Yet texting also insulates you from the good things that come from real dialogue. Small talk fosters emotional intelligence. Success on a first date or a business meeting requires eye contact, a bit of bravery and the ability at least to feign confidence. How can people begin to combat social anxiety if even the possibility of rejection-by-phone freaks them out?
The self-help industry is churning out books that teach effective communication in the age of screens. A viral New York Times essay called “36 Questions to Fall in Love” spawned a series of apps that promised a scientific method for breaking the romantic ice. And now AI chatbots are offering personalized coaching, allowing you to practice hard conversations with your digital “friend” first.
Any effort to pull young people out of their digital shells is laudable. But reading an advice book isn’t going to cut it. At some point it requires a leap of faith—or even the small step of a phone call.
A plea for my peers (and myself): Next time you’re having a drawn-out text conversation or sending needless Snapchats, save yourself some hours of screen time and give your friends a radically old-fashioned phone call. They might not pick up. You can try them again later. Or leave a voicemail! It won’t be as great as being in-person, but I’ll bet even a few minutes of hearing a real voice will be worth it. It’ll be good practice for when the stakes are higher.
Ms. Koch is associate editor of Free Expression.